Right Before I Got Kicked Off Kids Incorporated
by Nathan Beach, 6 January 2006

It was spring of '84. Episode 15. School's For Fools. They say our show launched David Hasselhoff's singing career. His sweet, sweet voice serenaded us with a rousing rendition of The Contours' "Do You Love Me?". Right as final exams were heating up that year, I performed my own serenade. Though I think the other Kids remember it more as a serenude.

Right Before I Got Kicked Off Kids Incorporated
by Nathan Beach, 2 December 2005

I left Tom Thumb with the meat in hand and walked out to the street, confused about where I was. Then I remembered: Eric Balfour and I were meeting up with several of the other Kids for a barbecue in the park. Eric's mom had a really cool car. They were waiting for me in the crispy air conditioning. When we got to the park, we played baseball (after we ate!). I played shortstop. With baserunners on first and second, sometimes the shortstop will cover third on a bunt. This is known as the "rotation play". When I went in for the ball, it popped up in my face and broke my nose. The doctors did everything they could, but I wouldn't be pretty enough for television anymore.

Right Before I Got Kicked Off Kids Incorporated
by Nathan Beach, 24 October 2005

Late one morning, there was a knock on the dressing room door. I opened it to find a square-jawed security guard on the other side. It seems the maid reported there were three turkeys floating in the bathtub. After some quick explaining and a call to the butcher -- who confirmed my side of the story -- I was off the hook. Several hours later, a crowd watched through the window as I cooked turkeys in the rain. As lunchtime approached, the rain stopped and a few shafts of sunlight brightened the day. The cast and crew couldn't believe their eyes as my servants brought golden-brown turkeys and all the fixings into the green room. After a delicious meal, and despite all my effort, they stared at me in silence. From now on it would just be Mario López and the other kids incorporated.

BACK TO 2005